mula kay teasdale:

I asked the heaven of stars
What I should give my love -
It answered me with silence,
Silence above.

I asked the darkened sea
Down where the fishes go -
It answered me with silence,
Silence below.

Oh, I could give him weeping,
Or I could give him a song -
But how can I give silence
My whole life long?

crazy girls, cory and me.

hay. pagdating talaga kay sir perry esguerra, we turn into blushing groupies/fangirls. all i wanted was for him to remember us, but now it looks as if he will remember us – in a stalker-ish, creepy way.

hay.

after cory’s awkward giving of a rosary to him last week, at pagkatapos pumutok nung yellow smiley balloon na, even after all the urging and seize the day pep talk, hindi na talaga naibigay sa hiya at kaba, yung attempt naman namin para kay sir caesar saloma na head ng physics dept. (at whose lecture gave me the idea of aspiring, or rather affirmed in me pala since pinagisipan ko na rin dati, for a PhD degree) ay maayos naman – still giggly, still nervous, but it was fun and ok. we kept half of our heads, at least. in his case, there was closure.

which is, quite simply (bluntly!), not the case with our beloved sir perry. we are not only giggly and nervous whenever he’s around, we turn breathy and cowards.

haha.

kanina, since ayokong umuwi na lang after ng hearing na alam ko namang mare-reset naman (which turned out right) dahil sa hinayang kong masayang ang sinuot kong panlabas, tinuloy na rin namin ni cory yung pahabol niyang card kay sir (kung saan nakalagay na at nasabi niyang yung rosary ay na-bless ni pope benedict, isang fact na talagang pinanghinayangan niyang di nasabi nung awkward rosary try. i understand yung kagustuhan niyang masabi yun, tutal ang weird nga naman kung after going through all the trouble, ay isipin lang pala ni sir na galing quiapo yun or something. : ) ). i met her sa casaa ng mga 4 (she was late) after i applied for clearance sa OUR. then i read her card and couldn’t help but feel admiration and – yes, amusement – for cory, ang honest kasi ng paghangang nabasa ko dun sa sinulat niya e. lines that went something like – “your teaching and your ways as a person have inspired me, and have made a world of difference to me.”

it went along those lines. naisip ko na kagad ang maiisip ni sir kung nabasa nya yun, lalo na kung hihimayin. it had to mean something na cory somehow knew him as a person (and not just our physics teacher), for him to make a world of difference to her. mabubuko na talaga nun ang stalker tendencies namin ni cory sa kanya. the lines were so telling in my eyes, na i had to be amused, in anticipation of his reaction.

for all that, naku, you have to admire cory. that girl surprises me. talk about honesty! : ) kung ako yun, siguro i would’ve tried to cover my admiration through jokes or a light tone. talk about my being chicken! : )

pagdating namin sa ever-familiar hallway ng 2nd floor old NIP, napunta na lang kami sa admin, dahil di namin kinayang katukin mismo si sir. (actually, sa totoo lang, malakas lagi ang loob ko ipep-talk si cory na maging matapang, pero ako rin naman talaga din tong nahihiya at ninenerbiyos at… breathy. hehe.) nung nasa admin na kami, andun yung babaeng pinagkuhanan din namin ng classcard nung rosary attempt ni cory (the classcards being ang cover-up nung unexpectedly dumating si sir sa room niya at andun kaming exposed sa hallway. hay, the embarrassment of it all.), and somehow nung pinabigay namin sa kanya yung card, napunta kami sa isang usapan tungkol kay sir perry at sa general goodness ng physics faculty at sa kung may iba pa bang nagbibigay ng gifts sa kanya, etc. (goodness, napatawa na lang ako habang sinusulat ko to!) we were, of course, fishing for info – to quench our weird obsession, buti na lang mabait si ate. in the course of the discussion, di nako nakatiis, at sinulatan na rin ng message ko kay sir yung card ni cory. nahihiya man sa ibinubulgar ng card na yun o hindi, somehow hindi ko kinayang hindi magpasalamat nang direkta as opposed to all my other past indirect maneuvering papansin efforts (eg. friendster, picture mailing). tas ate directed us to place it in his pigeon hole, so i put it directly on top of all the other papers lying there, and beseeched her not to tell anything of this conversation to (anyone). and then lo and behold, nananadya ang tadhana, pinagtatawanan kami ng pagkakataon, i turned to the door and gosh.

there he was. opening it, and entering. and all i could do was look at cory, hear her greet sir a “hi, sir!” and sir looking distracted, and me, parang in automation, would’ve dashed off there and then kung di lang na-snag ng isang typewriter ata yun? yung bag ko, forcing me to unhook it as gently as i could for fear of uncoordinated Lay striking again at that moment and worsening an already embarrassing enough situation (but gosh, those seconds felt like forever.). after i got through the door, mortified, i shared a glance at a smiling cory behind me, and ran off down the hall with my face covered with my file folder, na para bang i was running for the hills.

oh. the mortification. the embarrassment! (but the thrill! the life of it! : ) ). i cringed as i imagined what he must be thinking of us now, hours after we officially declared ourselves the perry fans club, ncr chapter. muli, tinatanong ko sa sarili ko kung bakit namin ginagawa ang mga bagay na ganun. na para bang pag andyan si sir, may poise turns to nutcase-iness, my good sense turns to mush, and instead of gaping and smiling foolishly, i opt instead to run or walk fast, and smile foolishly and sigh in remembrance afterwards.

ibang klase to. ano bang tumamang pana samin ni cory? of course this isn’t love, i think not even an infatuation. this is pure and simple admiration for a genius, for a man who, because of our curiosity and perseverance, we know quite a bit better about than the ordinary physics student.

oh Lord. i will always remember this phase, i know, from now on. na kahit graduate na at lahat, imbes na sa NCPAG, sa physics kami pabalik-balik ni cory. haha. ang weird. samantalang i never expected this same fervor to be shared with cory, since she told me once last sem na hindi siya masyadong as taken with sir as kami ni ter, dahil sir reminds her daw of her freshie-issue mark. tas look at her – at us! now.

fools in admiration.

oh, the follies of youth. haha. : )

MALIGAYANG KAARAWAN, cory dahleng! : )